We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
