1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
