Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
