I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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