my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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