Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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