He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
