I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize