Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
