Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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