Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
