You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
