the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize