I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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