I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
