you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
