yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize