You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
