You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
