The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
