maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are we still banned from the library?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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