Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
