Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
