ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
