I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
