That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
