halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
