u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
