Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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