Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
