I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
