discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize