my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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