mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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