No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
