I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
