I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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