Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
