is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
