The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
