Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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