Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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