i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
