I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
