first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
