I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
