Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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