he shaved USA in his pubs
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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