oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
