saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
