Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
