Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
