I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
