My room smells like vodka and shame
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
