watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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