I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
