Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
