how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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