It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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