So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
