Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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