Come see our sink grown plant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
