i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
