I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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