im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
