My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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