Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
