just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
