I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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