Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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