you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
