i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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