I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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