I got chris browned last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
