seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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