apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize