His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
