the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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