He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my liver is dry heaving
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize