i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
