Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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